Life's too short

This day has tremendously given me the realization that LIFE IS SHORT. Eh. You might think that's nothing but a minimal realization and everyone knows that. But no, most people just have their time taken for granted as if they can rewind everything and buy as much time as they want. In reality, you have no control of how longer your time will be. You just might be going off to work or school and suddenly out of nowhere, you got hit by a bus. Or your heart just decided to stop beating and that's it. That's just it.

After running errands this morning, I went to see the movie If I Stay with my friends. You know the story, a girl who has 98% chance of dying just miraculously woke up after her boyfriend told her to stay alive. Well, that's the physical line of the story. Adam never saw it coming that the next time he'll see the love of his life will be in her deathbed. It's as if everything happened in a snap. Just like that. Your life can change in a blink of an eye and there's nothing you can do about it. 

Just before my friend and I part ways this evening, she dropped a bomb on me that the guy I had a crush on 8 years ago died. And I screamed "WHAT?!" in the middle of a busy street. He was still so young. It's just sad.

As I walked home, I passed through 2 wakes in our street. 

When I got home, I watched the latest video of TheFineBros. And I knew from the title that it's gonna be loads of funny footages because it's tenenen... Elders React To Fifty Shades Of Grey! As much as I love YouTubers, my love for how elders in TheFineBros is just irreplaceable. As expected, it was funny. But at the end of the video, they paid tribute to Pamela, one of the elders, who recently just passed away. 

Just when I was getting full of these people dying before my eyes, I've stumbled upon this...

Last two weeks, I didn't know what has gotten in to me but I recorded some voice note in my phone and named it 'For When I Die'. 

Life's too short, people. Make the most out of it. Yea, I know it sounds sobrang gasgas na. But this realization brings me to another realization to just stop all the bullshit in my life. When you like for someone to know that you like them, tell them! You haven't said I love you to your parents that you love them? Psh. It's not that hard! Making up thoughts in your mind that leads you to nothing but misery and fear? Yea, time wasted is life wasted. 

There's just so many things that we don't do because we're afraid of judgments of people around you. You don't want to wear this because your boyfriend told you not to. Or you want to try to live out your dream to become a rockstar but you think that people might just make fun of you. You pretend that you hate One Direction but deep down, you love them more than you love your cats. 

Life's too short for keeping up with all the bullshit in your life. Do whatever makes you happy. Tell the ones you love that you love them. Wear whatever you want to wear. Ask whatever you want to ask. Live freely! Maybe there's someone in your class you badly want to kiss. Go for it, or else it'll forever hold your peace.

DO I FEEL SEXY?

SRSLY?!

I feel like I'm in the verge of entering adulthood, and women in this century seems to be obliged to look sexy. Okay, so I'm not that old. But I'm starting to embrace the fact that I'm no longer that 15-year old girl who has never owned a lip balm. It's when you realize that heeey I'm becoming a woman, ooooh fuuuun. And being a woman must live up to the qualities of a legit sophisticated, refined and sexy woman. Yuh huh.. sexy. You gotta feel sexy! And do I feel sexy? Am I sexy? Hmm? 

Okay so yea. We're all beautiful, like what they normally say that you're beautiful in your own ways blah blah blah. But feeling sexy and being sexy is not a piece of cake. Not because I wear two-piece swimsuit (with reasonable cover-up) at the beach doesn't mean that I think that I'm sexy. It's hard to feel sexy and comfortable at the same time.

The answer for that is NOOOO. I don't feel sexy.

So do I have to try to feel sexy to be sexy? Or should I just get someone to say that I'm sexy to believe that ooooh I'm now Ms. Sexy Pants. Every other morning (heehee it's not a routine), I would go for 20 minute exercise bike and few minutes on the treadmill while watching Fashion Police or Keeping up with the Kardashians (this happens in my house and heck no I won't get a gym membership). Why would I do that? I WANT TO FEEL SEXY after that feeling ko pagod na pagod na ko workout. And every after that short time of burning my butt off, I look in the mirror and feel "WHAT?! I RAN FOR 5 MINUTES FOR NOTHING!? I MEAN, LOOK AT THAT! WHAT KIND OF BODY IS THAT?!"

I'm not putting this topic out there because I want people to see me as a sexy goddess. NO! I feel like embracing that you're utterly sexy is one step to building up your self-confidence. So maybe being sexy is in the eye of the beholder. I don't know.

Eh. Whatever.

WHAT DOES IT TAKE FOR A GUY TO LIKE ME?

Girls struggling through their teenage years or even ladies in their mid-20's who still thinks like a high school girl in a chick flick ask this question constantly. They try to look their best perfecting that winged eyeliner, pulling off a perfect hair, taking interest in basketball, cars and video games but their mission is still nothing but a failed prediction. If someone ask, "What kind of qualities do you look for a person?" And typically, a woman would say, "Hmm I don't know. Someone who's sweet, smart, has a good sense of humor, owns a car and oooh shmexy!" Am I right? Or am I f*ckin' right?!

Admit it, girls who believes The Notebook or A Walk to Remember is the best movie evaaar are those girls who have unrealistic expectations about romance. And they expect all the guys to act like Edward Cullen who would watch them in their sleep, sparkle in direct sunlight and tell you "I'm a vampire". Okay, maybe not everyone wants a vampire boyfriend, but you get what I mean, right? WE DON'T LIVE IN MOVIES. You should know that by now, honey. So lie low on looking for the Ryan Gosling abs, Zac Efron eyes, Ian Somerhalder fangs and Christian Grey (oh y'know) that your heart desires.

Instead, you should look for some guy (or a man for more appropriate term) who's capable of maintaining a commitment to both of your personal growth, a man who's mature enough to stand your woes and insecurities that whenever you ask him "Do I look fat?", he would say what's true not what's right, a man who has integrity, and a man who has a potential for being your lifelong loving partner.

What I learned over the years (wow), is what we WANT is not exactly what we NEED. You want a hot boyfriend? Well, think of all the nights he would go out with his friends and you would constantly wonder how many sluts are giving him a lap dance. You want a smart guy? I bet you don't want every argument feeling so dumb that your partner has once again proved you wrong in the best possible logical way he can. You want to date someone who owns a car? Date a taxi driver, woman!

Going back to the question, "How would  I get someone to like me?" It's not all about how you look, how interesting are you or how famous you are. Next time, ask yourself if when you get in to a relationship...

"Do I have something to offer in my future relationship?"
"Am I ready enough?"
"Am I the person people love to be with?"
"Or am I the person they can never stand?"
"Should I stop being too idealistic?"

Because honey, yea, you should.

Things That Make Me Happy

My 6-year old journal

THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY (excuse the chipped nails)

Instead of mulling over how things are not going the way you want it to be, make a list of what makes you happy and it will instantly shift your mood to Ehh -_- to Eeeeeh :D. Trust me, it helps. It'll make you appreciate the small things that constantly make you happy but tend to neglect it because your filling up your mind with worries and fears. 

Simple things like seeing a jeepney driver say "Salamat po" everytime a pasahero pays fare, makes my mood. Or even catching an episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians (my guilty pleasure hahaha). It's those things, those simple things.

Well-Laid Plans

Everyone is on a journey at making their plans come to life. Some may just let the ship sail on its own and go with it. But at the end of the road, we all want that "Aaaah. The good life." Maybe you're one of the little girls who planned their dream wedding with their bestfriend as they play around with blankets as your wedding gown and place a pillowcase on your head as your veil. Or maybe as you watch a basketball game with your Dad, you see yourself being in the shoes of those players. Or I dunno, maybe you followed the girl of your dreams around during high school and planned your future together. That right there, my friend, is a plan and you thought to yourself that you would do anything to make it come to life. 

But you see, as years go by and reality starts to kick in, you seem to forget all the big plans you had when you were little. You started to realize that the process of having your plans come true is just excruciating. You get tired of working so hard and get nothing out of it. Everything seems to be falling out of place and nothing leads you to where you want to be. You tend to settle for less than you deserve. And that I-can-only-do-so-much keeps bitchin' out. That will leave you nothing but regrets. Wouldn't you want to work for something that you really want? That even if you're faced with a lot of challenges that day, you go home full of satisfaction because you know that what you're doing makes you happy. It's when you find your self-worth. 

If your timetable is all messed up right now and nothing in your checklist is near from happening, that's okay. Trust me, it's perfectly fine. You see, God moves slowly and cautiously. He's with you on your plans. He's crafting everything perfectly for you. You just have to give it time. After all, well-laid plans take time. And whatever you're going through right now, that's temporary. With a pinch hardwork and a dash of God's grace, you're right on track. 

"Exactly as I plan, it will happen. Following my blueprints, it will take shape."

Isaiah 14:24

So there's this guy...

It's been quite a while since I talked about boys in this blog. Well, there's really nothing much to tell. I don't have a boyfriend or anything. Let's just say, it's fun when my girls and I talk about boys. Oh c'mon, like you don't often talk about boys (if you're a guy, then you probably aren't). Mmkaay, this going to be a tale of the "guys" I may have or may have not liked in the past. You know the gist...

So there's this guy, I've known him since forever. We almost grew up together. I claimed him as my boyfriend when I was in Kindergarten. If one of my classmates would tease me with another guy, I'd say with a batang mayabang tone "May boyfriend na kaya ako." Then, I started to realize what boyfriend really means, turns out he wasn't my boyfriend at all. I was 5. That was stupid. 

So there's this guy, he was the typical high school lover boy. He would call our landline phone and just make bola all night. I could fall for it, but I chose not to. I got to sit with him on a bus at our school field trip and he seduced me with all his baon. Good thing I hate eating while on the road. At their basketball game, I would catch him looking at me, but no I was eyeing on a different player. Not him. 

So there's this guy, he lured me by giving me a fancy piece of bread. He had his ways, ways that would make you no choice but fall in his arms. He made me feel like I was living a movie scene when we watched sunrise together as his sweater falls on my shoulders. Three words, eight letters... he said it, and so did I. But when I was about to give in, everything fell out, and so his feelings for me.

So there's this guy, he was sitting at the stairs waiting for my guy dormate. White shirt soaked in sweat. He just got out from the gym. He had me at hello. And he's now thousand miles away.

So there's this guy, he was the epitome of tall, dark and handsome. He was my competition, apparently. We were after one position at the company of my dreams. As we wait for other applicants to be interviewed, we sat 5 meters away from each other and talked about life. He liked analyzing people, which I hate but when he told me why he was doing that, I found myself in awe as I take it all in. We talked for 20 mins. and I felt like I've known him forever. Until the door opened...