From me, To me,

I just remembered that I wrote a letter to my 40-year old self a month ago. Wrote it in this blog but never published it. No, I won't be publishing it. He he. I wonder what my 40-year old self would be like. Hmm. Well I hope I'd be a Mom then to a three beautiful children and three dogs (2 shih tzu, 1 pom pom), oh and be a wife to a husband who looks like Ian Somerhalder (okay, maybe not). I never finished that letter, for some reason, it felt weird writing my future me a letter. It's as if I'm a pregnant woman talking to my baby in my tummy. I dunno, it's just so weird. So now, I'd give writing letter to my present self a go. Let's see if it would be weird as my last written letter.

Dear self, 

Hi! Okay, now it's getting weird. Haha. I'm writing this letter on a Sunday evening and I spent the entire day watching PewDiePie's gaming videos. Such a waste of time, I know. Now, let's get down to beezzwax. You know, self, you've gone a long way. And I'm proud of you for that. Few years back, finishing college was just a dream. And now it's so surreal that you're finally getting your ass out of school, not because you got kicked out from it, but because you finished it. Give yourself a pat on the back, hun. Also, you've gained a lot of friends. Wow. You were once "that invisible girl" in elementary who talks to no one but herself. You now have friends from high school, from church, from camps, from internship, from college, from dorm, from friends of friends, and you have 3 digit followers on Twitter and Instagram! Woah. You can now say to your 9-year old self, "It does get better."

Over the years, you've changed a lot. Two years ago, you hate dogs, just the thought of having one scares you. Now, you are a mum to a tiny shih tzu. During your 1st year in college, you'd cry deep inside whenever you're asked to draw something. Now, I see sketches of landscapes and silhouette woman face on your bedroom wall. You've finally decided to dye your hair, but then you died along with it. You just hate it, don't you? Well, it's better than having a pixie cut, right? Yea, I thought so, too.

I'm glad to say that you're not one of those teenagers who have patapon life. You have no history of Rachel gone wild, never been drunk, never tried to smoke, and didn't get pregnant like any other pa-cool kids. You've lived up to the contrary of "Just because they're doing it, I should too." But I think once in a while, you just have to try new things. Just this once, go out of your comfort zone. Be free to do anything you never thought you could. I'm telling you this because I know you can handle yourself well in the midst of mishap. Have the guts to just be free. You've been a dormer for three years, yet you never had the wild dormer life. Whut a waste. Anyhoo, that's you. Huh, I mean that's us.

Self, you've come across too many people in your life who have influenced you massively. And these people somehow dictate how you live your life today. I say NO. Start living your life the way you want it to be, and not how you want the people around you wants you to. It's your life anyway. It's okay to be stupid once in a while. It's okay to stumble. It's fine to be with the wrong people at the wrong place and at the wrong time. It's okay! Don't hold up. Just be YOU. Know what you want and who you want to be. Be SOMEBODY! Shine God's light in everything you do. And just be HAPPY.

Mmkay? I love you, self.

Yours truly,

YOU

'B' to 'V'

When I'm too lazy to paint pictures through words, I just let it come to life through my... tenenen... vlogs!!! 

Lazy pants

Heeeey!! It's Wednesday!!! And I'm just dying out of boredom here, so I thought I'd blog. Boohoo. I'm in my parents' bedroom right now, lying in bed, ANTM rewind on TV, watching Marzia's vlogs and blogging away. Haay I'm so bored. I don't have classes on Mondays to Wednesdays and I have nothing better to do in life than do absolutely nothing. Hah. So this is how an unemployed fresh grad would be like. Huhu I dread the day. 

Yesterday I wanted to go to Solenad and I was dragging my Dad with me. But he was in the middle of something something that went wrong to one of his projects, so pff. My Mom can sense how bored I was so she told me to come with her as she paid her bills. We had a Mommy-Chelly day while running errands. Oh, and on Monday, I got my graduation photos! Woot woot! Pff no. I look horrible in those photos. Not something that's worth displaying. Maybe it's the make-up, the hair, the photo itself or I'm just plain ugly. Ugh. But anyhow, I got my photos! Meaning, I'm a step closer to graduating. 

Later today, I'll shoot a documentary, along with my friends, for one of my subjects. And now, I'm just waiting for their call. Err I'm too lazy to get out of bed. This is one lazy lazy lazy daaaaay. 

Ta-ta! :)

Just in time

Making a perfect chocolate souffle, photographing jump shots, scoring the last shot in a basketball game... it's all about perfect timing. Some things are not achieved in a blink of an eye, but some things are. Some things are not supposed to be rushed, but some things turned out to be well as a product impulsiveness. Then again, it all boils down to the perfect timing. Where am I headed with this? Haha. I was just so moved by the last few lines in the movie I recently watched,

"Sorry, ngayon lang ako nakadating."

"It's okay. You're timing is just perfect." 

It sounded so simple yet it can turn a life upside down. I've always wanted to rush things. I barely take one moment to just appreciate what's out there because I've always wanted to know what lies in the future. My close friends know that I've got my life all planned out. It's my goal to get married at the age of 24 and sent  my children off to college in my early 40's. I even have an Asian baby wallpaper on my desktop during my internship because that's how I want my future child to look like. Also, I hate that I love reading horoscopes. I kinda let it define my entire day and when it turns out to be negative, I would be such a downer for the whole day. Now that I took time to ponder on how I almost press the fast forward button in my life, I've come to a realization that I should just live in the moment. I should take time and appreciate what my present life holds and not worry too much about the future. I'd take Ted Mosby's way of taking things slow. Okay, so maybe he didn't want to take things slow, we all know that he'd been waiting for meeting "the one" for almost 9 years now. But if you come to think of it, if he badly wanted to marry someone from the parade of girls he'd been with, he should be married years back, thus have the most miserable life he could ever have. Then again, it's about the perfect timing. 

I'm 19, and I have all the years that I need to worry about life. I shouldn't be desperately wanting to meet the right guy that would sweep me off my feet. I shouldn't envision what my future child would look like. I shouldn't be reading my horoscopes everyday. I should be more like Elsa and just let it go.

"God has perfect timing. Never early, never late. A little patience, a little faith, but it's worth the wait."  

BEST feelings in the world

Out of nowhere, one of my girlfriends asked me, "Chels, alam mo yung best feeling in the world?" I had so many answers in mind but thinking that she has something to say, I said "Ano?" And she replied, "Yung umutot habang naglalakad." Hahaha okay wow. 

Maybe that feeling is not one of my 'best feelings in the world' bit. But since, she was just so straight up in saying that, I have the feeling that I should to. Wala lang teehee. Sooooo, here's my list of tenenen... BEHST PILINGS IN DZU WERLD:

1. Taking my contact lenses off after a long day.

2. Bra-less for a whole day

3. Sleeping on a newly changed sheets.

4. Hearty burp.

5. Singing like a rockstar in the shower.

6. Sweet sweet sound of "Libre kita".

7. Popping bubble wraps.

8. Accomplishing OPLAN: Tanggal tinga.

9. Peeing after chugging a gallon (okay ang OA) of water. 

10. Drinking hot green tea on a cold night.

11. Hugging a fluffy (less harsh term for fat) friend for 20 secs.

12. Crying out of laughter.

13. Kisses from my dog.

14. Changing #potd (pambahay of the day) clothes after wearing jeans all day.

15. Making someone smile.

16. The thought of "hell yeah walang pasok bukas!!!!!!"

17. Finally getting to say "in your face" or "bwahahahaha I told you so!"

18. Not having the need to take a bath for a day.

19. Talking to cute toddlers.

20. Knowing that you are loved. 

I was thinking of thinking of the least cheesy way to construct the 20th, but either way, it'll sound eeeky cheesy. Anyhoo babalu, that's just a partial list of the things that makes me go awwww or uuuuhhh. Oh, and also one of the best feelings in the world is typing the last period on a blogpost, so here it is.

Balentayms

I see heart cut-outs and heart-shaped thingies everywhere, and somehow I find it cute. People are really making effort to celebrate Valentine's day and it's nice to see because it's a reflection of God's love to everyone. But some would put it this way... "Uhm, God loves me. God loves you. Does that mean we should love each other, too?" 

Started my V-day giving my Mom a peck on the cheek, greeted her happy V-day and said the three magic words. Continued spreading love as I write love notes for my girlfriends while in class. Received V-day greeting from Sir Atom. Had lunch with my girls. Made sure I'll be marching for graduation as we went back to school. Was assigned to be producer for the next production (hate this part). Received cupcakes from our PR Daddy. Had an "oh no, andyan na si crush kamusta naman ang heyyr ko" moment. Helped someone for surprising my friend. Coming home to Frisky's kisses (on the lips). And capped the day off with a hearty dinner with my family.

And my Balentayms is complete, because I've got all the love that I need.

♥

Why do I poop my pants?

Ha ha. Gotcha. What I actually meant is... WHY DO I KEEP A BLOG? Or simply, WHY DO I BLOG? Poop means my thoughts coded into words and Pants pertains to this blog. That's one sick metaphor right there, and I apologize. 

Yea, why? I started blogging in 2008 in Multiply and Friendster. My first blogpost was about my first day in Brain Train (UPCAT review center) and my first reader was my friend's mom. Odd. I made another legit blog account here in Blogger way back in 2009. I wrote about my whiny woes during high school and it was errm hahahahaha. That's the answer right there. I made a blog to see the future me laughing at myself. It's nice to look back, kinda be in that moment once again and laugh it off. It's an evidence that I've grown a lot and as I grow, I change the way I think, feel and act. I no longer write about the things I wrote 5 years back, things that can testify how immature I was. But maybe, few years from now I'd read this post and think that this is an insensible post. Sorry, future me. 

One other reason why I keep a blog because this is where I can vent my unspoken thoughts. Not everyone I know knows that I keep a blog, so I kinda feel free to just let my fingers do the talking for me. I've kept this blog private for a year and I write almost everyday about how my day went or what I was thinking at the moment. I was living the blog life of Jenna Hamilton (minus the suicide attempt and Matty vs. Jake dilemma) three years back that I speak my mind through my blog and keep it hidden. It was just like writing a diary and no one gets to read it.

People who reads my blog thinks I'm a writer. No. Just because I write a blog doesn't mean I'm a good writer. They expect me to come up with an impeccable write up, script, or anything that's in written form. Yesterday, I made a blogsite for a school project and it took me forever to come up with a decent post for it. Maybe I'm just a mspoopypants writer, not a writer writer.    

Love month

It's that time of the year that I see "I'm forever alone" posts on my Twitter feed. Blech. Please, di ka naman forever alone, single ka lang. Magkaiba yun. Okay, stop the hate.. coz it's love month ebribadi! Woot woot! Just because I'm single, doesn't mean I should create an Anti-Valentine's Day club. Valentine's Day is not just about having a lovey dovey that you can take double selfies with and make the whole world know that you're head over heels in love. NO! It's about LOVE, you gaaiz. It's about letting your loved ones (parents, siblings, grandparents, friends, kapitbahay, kalaro, etc.) know that you love them. I never celebrated Valentine's Day having uh y'know, but so far, I never had a bad memory of Valentine's Day. 

For meeeee? Aww

Last year, I spent my Valentine's Day shooting for our film. I can remember vividly that I was wearing sheer top with tiny hearts in it (para feel na feel ang v-day!). Being the most brilliant production assistant I was, I was very bibo as I hold the clapper until a group of people went towards where I was and started singing 'A Very Special Love'. Okay wow. DLSU-D Chorale's serenading someone from my groupmates. Who was it? I didn't know who until someone gave me a long stem rose. Awwwwww thoooww thweeeet! And soooo awkward. Didn't know what to do the whole time they were singing and my groupmates were staring at me with their "yeeeeee Rachel" face. I can't remember what I felt that day haha. There was nothing going between me and that guy, maybe it was just "maharana nga si Rachel" kinda thing. Wala lang, pang-asar lang. But it was sweet and very timely hahaha. I also had to give my prickly heart some prickly cactus! And my V-day was complete.

It's 10 days before Valentine's Day and love is definitely NOT in the air, because only Nitrogen, Oxygen, Argon, CO2, CO, WiFi and radio waves are in the air. What'll happen this year? Shall I make harana that guy in return? Haha def not! That'd be so weird, but one thing's for sure... I'm gonna

buy cactus. :P

Four years later... still?!

I'm graduating in 2 months carrying a bachelor's degree in Communication Arts and I couldn't be happier. But before I ended up taking Comm Arts as my course, I had a looooong discussion with my parents about it. I'm an indecisive person, that's a fact. I never really had a definite plan what to take up in college when I was in high school. Let me take you four years back...

FLASHBACK.

Sometime in February and March 2010, my parents and I went on a road trip. Not a typical road trip... a college road trip. After getting over the fact that I didn't pass UPCAT (oh the pain), I had to apply to other universities because I got so yabang that I didn't apply to other universities because I was hoping I could *sniff sniff* get in to UP. So I had to let that go and move on. Ang sakit, ang hirap pero kailangan. *sobs* Okay, so our first stop... Mapua. Wow naman di ba? My Dad was a Mapua graduate so he kinda thought I'd consider applying to Mapua. I told him countless times that I'm no match for engineering courses but he still insisted. Eh being the obedient daughter I am, I filled out the form and got my test permit. What course? Hah. Material Science and Engineering lang naman. Gandang pakinggan no? Di ko naman alam ibig sabihin nun, maganda lang pakinggan kaya yun yung pinili ko. Next up, Lyceum. Since it's just few meters away from Mapua, then why not take a chance. But I know in myself, I didn't see myself spending my college life there. I don't remember what course I chose, but I think something about International Relations. That was my second test permit that day. Last stop, CEU. When I was a little Rachel, my cousin and I share the same dream of being a dentist and up to that day, my Mom remembered that dream so she talked me into applying to CEU for Dentistry. My third test permit of the day. Oh, before that road trip, my Mom sent an application form to DLSU-D. Guess what? I never took any of those tests but DLSU-D's. The courses I filled out in DLSU-D form were the courses that I think fit me, but those courses weren't what my Mom and Dad want for me. My Mom wanted me to be in the field of medicine, while my Dad wanted me to be like him, an engineer. 

BACK TO THE PRESENT.

Whenever my Dad would drive me to school, this question always pops up "Anong magiging trabaho mo dyan?" and I say the same answer over and over. Just this evening, as my brother was getting his eyes checked, my Mom brought up that if I were an optometrist, it would be way easier to put up a clinic and be self-employed than put up with having a boss. Okaaaay? And over dinner, Dad asked when's my graduation day. April 28, I said. It would overlap to my supposed trip to Korea for a seminar for missionaries. My Dad said, "Aakyat ka lang naman di ba?" WHAT?! Meaning, he'd rather send me to Korea for a mission trip than to see me on my graduation day?! Wow, just wow. I wouldn't trade my graduation day for any trip, kahit trip pa yan to outer space. 

xoxo, Rachel

Mommy and Daddy, I'm sorry if I disappointed you by not obeying you in choosing what my track in life would be. I'm sorry if I'd become a disgrace to both of you. But you see, I'm happy with where I am right now. I'm beyond glad that I didn't take up dentistry or engineering, because if I did, I might be one of those suicidal teenagers. Thank you for making me chose what I really want. Don't worry, I'll make you proud again. Just you wait and see.

Gong Xi Fa Cai!

Happy Chinese New Year, all you Chinese peewps out there!!!

I never really cared about Chinese New Year, I just love that it's a holiday and that means no class for the day. But this year, I had to care! Pft. I woke up extra early than I usually do on a Friday to commute all the way to Binondo a.k.a Manila Chinatown. Why? Coz my professor in Cross Cultural Communication said so and we should make a documentary out of it. Bummer. But anyhoo, it was kinda fun. It's my first time to actually celebrate Chinese New Year. Though I have Chinese blood running through my veins, I never really felt it. Haha! My grandpa's grandpa was Chinese soooo that makes me... uh, tinsy bit of chinchunsuuu. Anyway, I met up with my friends and tried to take footage of Chinese New Year in Binondo. 

There were a lot of dragon thingy, fire dance, drum beaters, fake and real lucky charms, prosperity cake, tikoy and a lot of people who are not Chinese na nagpapaka-feeling Chinese wearing their red Chinese getup. I got to pray to the Chinese gods (if that's what you call them) with matching incense. It was pretty coool. I didn't do much in taking videos, more like I was telling my groupmate na tama na yan. Haha when katamaran strikes. We were supposed to film during the parade that noon, but since the camera battery died, we just shrugged and "Oh well, pwede na yan."

Photos credit to this purrdy gerl