The Search

In honor of tradition, my friends and I would get together every New Year's Eve and read our horoscopes for the year. Mine specifically says that I should go to social gatherings this year to meet the love of my life. As funny as it gets, we started to plan out which social gatherings to go to that year, not that we intentionally would flirt with anyone but just to make a fun out of it. 

And yes, I occasionally went to events, concerts, even church activities that would allow me to meet people. But being my introvert self , I never met my KPI. My colleagues would even send me a list of events that I should go to. It's funny how my friends even my boss contributes to Project Find Mr. Right. Everytime there's a male applicant for our department, my boss would automatically call me and ask, "Rach, what do you think?" as if I have a say on whether to hire them or not. 

There's this one event that my friend invited me to and I had to ride with my boss going to that event. My friends made a bilin to my Venezuelan boss that he has to find me a #SaktongPogi guy. Before leaving he asked, "You're not wearing heels?" I shook my head. He replied, "You know it makes a lot difference for us men if we see a lady wearing heels." I just gave him the you-won't-make-me look. During the event, he overheard me saying that I don't drink. He then asked, "So, how do I sell you, Raquelita? You don't wear heels. You don't drink." Sir, saan nyo po ba ako ibebenta at kailangan ko mag-takong at mag-inom? But he realized (naks) and said, "Oh wait, you're a nice, smart, cute girl. Aaah I can sell you." Tss. Alam mo naman pala e. 

Going to these social gatherings and meeting people, I would ask myself.. Am I really searching? Because from where I am and where my heart stands right now, I'm perfectly fine. No drama. No insecurities. No heartaches. When I first watched the new McDo ad, I wanted to relate to the girl. I wanted to somehow feel how it's like to have love lost and move on from it. But now matter how deep I dig into my feelings, there's nothing in there. It's funny and sad.

Do I want having someone who would make me feel beautiful everyday? Someone who would ask me how my day was. Someone who would lie to me whenever I ask him if I look fat. Someone who would help me burn those calories. Someone who would call in the middle of the day just to say "ano gawa u? hehe" (maybe no haha). Someone who would hold my hand and think "ang taba talaga ng kamay nya pero I love her anyway". Someone who would support my Snapchat addiction. Someone who would abang promo plane tickets with me. Someone to try new adventures with. Someone who would make me want to fall in love again.

Do I? Maybe it's not yet the perfect time. Because for now, I'm better off this way. 

For now.