13 Time's A Charm

I'm finally writing this blog and that could only mean one thing, I got a job. Shocker. After rambling over and over in this blog about my unemployed diaries, I finally caught the rarest fish in the sea. I've been a bum for as long as I could remember. I spent my parents' money to go places just so I could take my mind off the post college depression. I went through interviews that I couldn't count in my hands and toes. I get lost in the course of the search for every building every freakin' time. I heard gazillion "We'll just get back to you". It was pretty depressing. I started to wonder what was wrong with me. 

Since after the day I graduated, I've felt incomplete (waw). The society and my subconscious tells me that in order to feel worthy, I have to get a job related to what I studied for overpriced education of 4 years. After serving for a youth camp in Visayas, I tried to make my way in "the real world". I took my chances in every company that suits to my degree. I sent applications to every publishing, PR and Advertising companies I know. I had to conceal my probinsyana aura everytime I hop on that Cubao route bus. I would get lost in my feet as I wander around the streets of Taguig, Ortigas and Makati. I would let taxi drivers make me pay them double the taxi fare. At the end of the day, a burning hope lives in me as I embark on another 2-hour ride back home.

Mind you, I went through that 13 times! Everytime I'd count the number of companies that gave me false hopes, it makes me feel sick. Grabe! Ano bang mali sa 'kin? Ano ba kasing kailangan nyo? I feel like I've wasted so much time and my parents' money for nothing. It's as if I'm an aspiring celebrity who goes to every auditions and never got the break. It was horrifying!

I gave myself a hard time during those months. Some people thinks I'm taking that time to travel and live up to YOLO. But little did they know I felt so ashamed and inferior. Everyone's life is moving on except mine. I'm still stuck at 19 and unemployed. I spent those time worrying about my future. I was afraid that I wouldn't stick to my goal and re-route my life to something I did not plan.

But then I thought why am I taking so much time working on my plan, well in fact God made plans ahead of me. The struggle I went through is just the part of the story. It doesn't define who I am, maybe I just worry too much about what other people think of me. I thought maybe the road I'm taking isn't the right direction. I might need GPS after all... God's Plan Starter plack (oh di ba nai-push ko pa yun). I thought maybe He's leading me to something grand or He just wants me to live in the moment and have the best of time while I'm still young.

Now, as I write this blog, I have a job waiting for me.

As the year kicks off, a new chapter of my life is about to unfold. Drastic changes will be anticipated. Emotions will pour out. You might witness some of my woes in this blog... or not. Maybe I'll put this blog on hiatus... or not. Dunno. But looking back on what I went through before I came about to where I am right now is just errrrr! But I did not regret any second of it. I'm glad I had those experiences and rejections. At least I've got some story to tell, a story that's 9 months in the making. I could've given birth over those months. Woah.

So if you who's reading this right now questions why your plan isn't working out yet, I advise to not take eternity to craft your plan. Let God work your way into it. Trust Him wholly. We'll never know what the future holds. That's why I hate when someone asks me "What do you think you'll be doing 5 years from now?" Because hey, I don't even know what I'll do tomorrow. Only He knows. Don't be too hard on yourself. Stop worrying! It'll give you wrinkles. Your life is in perfect hands, I tell you. The steering wheel is His, and we're just a passenger waiting to get to our destination.